Cold Bed? Get A ‘Human’ Bed Warmer

”The human condition is a funny thing, the way our brains work is a unique and wonderful thing, humans have invented some amazing things like the wheel, electricity and of course the car, some of life’s greatest ideas have furnished our everyday lives, solving problems and making life easier by the use of invention.

And today I bring news of one of the most absurd, ridiculous ideas I have ever come across……..human bed warmers!

A hotel chain has now introduced a bed warming service that will send real living members of staff in special ’sleeper suits’ to go and warm your bed up before you get in. The hotel chain in question is the popular ‘holiday Inn’ chain, and a spokeswoman for the group said the service was ”like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed”.

The free 5 minute bed warming service is being trialed at 2 hotels in London and Manchester. I think it is a complete waste of time and money and the only real benefit I can think of is if you are lucky enough that your allocated ‘bed warmer’ is a real hottie, because when she has warmed your bed and left, you can spend the whole night sniffing the sheets, bonus!

I can think of some much better services that all hotels should consider, how about these:

• A mechanical replica of Simon Cowell’s face placed in the toilet bowl that projects a motorised tongue to lick the shit of your arse.
• 2 hot maids that dry you after a shower by breathing on you
• 6 midgets to wake you up in the morning and carry you downstairs for breakfast
• A personal firearms shopper
• A holy breakfast consisting of bread made from the ground up bones of Christ’s body, water made from the tears of angels and cheerios blessed by the pope himself!

I think I made my point.

Got anything to add? can you think of anymore insane hotel service ideas? leave a comment!”